Used to Be Easy

     As I grew up through all my many faces, through all my many journeys...I always got the same response from the different strangers, or the few I kept that close to me, "You should write a book....". My entire life I loved reading writing, mostly poetry, but if need be I could write an essay in school like it was nobodies business. Now as I have gotten older, and mothered children my talents have seemed to fade. I can barely remember how to spell my own name most of the time. There are days like today, with all the insanity in the world, sickness, sadness, and death, that I feel like my time to maybe help others that went through similar situations as I, is becoming less likely to happen. That if there was ever a good time to recover...its now. 

    COVID-19 has become something that has hindered me, emotionally crippled me on top of my losing a main character/angel in my life, 3 years ago as of October 2020. Losing my grandmother was quite possibly in my mind, "my rock bottom". It was the inevitable in my life that I swore up and down, would either land me in prison for murder, or on the streets with a needle back in my arm. But it wasn't at all any of those things, as a matter of fact it was the finishing factor in making me an official adult, along with my beautiful son whom she and I both doted on, her great grandson. During such depressing, and heart wrenching times such as now, I feel as though I never even truly finished grieving for my grandma. That day I pulled the plug on her life, was the day I put my bigger girl pants on, and became everything she knew I could be. Now in a pandemic I feel so heavy, so afraid.

In this blog, I am hoping that putting it all out there, will help me heal, maybe help others that have gone through abuse, rejection, human trafficking, drug addiction, debilitating anxiety, and so much more. Hopefully I can pull some old tricks out of my hat, and make this not sound ridiculous. Because sometimes I feel like people do not believe me, they do not believe my story. It's real, and I think somethings are just TO real for some people. But we should never be afraid to share our stories, be heard, and most of all be respected,. :-)